Wednesday, 27 January 2016

"can you tell  me what do you expect to get from your individual lab meetings with me every week?"

i was a nervous wreck

"uh.. i want to gain more research experience as it'll help my application for grad schools to be stronger"

"anything else you'd like to get?"

"...well...um...i hope i can improve my communication skills as well. be more confident to speak out my opinions..to not be afraid if my opinions are wrong"

"really?" *laughs* "so i take that as you're ordering me to encourage you to speak up?"

"well, i guess"

"so this is our verbal contract alright? i'm really going to push you to speak up if i see something's holding you up"

"....." ...... "..okay...."

i was scared as hell, why did i say that? i cursed myself

one week after, the day for me to present my critiques on the journal article came. again, i was a nervous wreck. i really hate doing critiques about academic journals, and i hate presenting my critiques out loud even more.

"this article that you chose to critique is brilliant. can you tell me the summary of the article?"

"uh..well..can i just read these sentences that i've highlighted from the abstract?"

"i'd like to hear you say it in your own words, remember our verbal contract?" *smiles*

"..oo..kay...well...sorry....i'm nervous..." *flipping those papers like crazy* "..sorry i'm taking too much time.."

"stop saying sorry, just take your time, it's alright. i'm not going anywhere"

i took my time to sort out my fears and nervousness and then i voiced out my thoughts and critiques on the article. i asked questions. i argued the researchers' logic and rationale. i speak up.

it was one of the most interesting educational conversations i've ever had, regarding my passion at that. 

"i didn't expect our first discussion to be this amazing. you did wonderful! it's a success, don't you think?"

i didn't realise one hour could pass by so fast. i feel so refreshed spilling out everything i have to say and having someone hear me out, making sense of my arguments, everything i say. 

"thank you"

"i can't wait for our meeting next week. i believe in you"